FSS Newsletter :: April 2003

How to Become More Assertive

Acquiring the skill of assertiveness is a learning process. Many of us confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. We all (at one time or another) have worked with people who we think are assertive.

These people bully their way around the office in a belligerent manner, they can be insulting, abrupt and create an uncomfortable work environment. They are usually successful in achieving what they want. Is this assertiveness? Absolutely not! I would say this type of person is insecure about themselves and has been all their living years. They probably had an aggressive parent, thus assuming it was the way to get what they want in life.

An assertive person could leave an aggressive type of person speechless with the right tools. A common problem regarding assertiveness is that people are fearful of displeasing others. Carefully choosing their responses to appease the listener. In the end you are angry with yourself after trying to make other people happy; now creating more stress in your life. It is much easier to be assertive, and then people know where you stand. The way in which we communicate is how we present ourselves. Whether it is aggressive, assertive or passive.

Assertiveness is expressing you honestly and in a direct manner. Generally an assertive person can be a team player and an effective problem solver. There are a variety of tools to use when practicing the art of assertion. Audiotapes and books are available; sometimes employers can provide these tools. This is a practical place to begin when learning to be more assertive.

Body language is an important key to assertiveness. Always maintain eye contact when speaking to others, stand tall keeping good posture. People can get the wrong message from you if you don‚t make eye contact. They may feel that you aren't interested in what they have to say.

The assertive person should always be a good listener. You want others to listen when you express yourself and you should give the same in return. Let others know that you care about what they are saying. This in turn builds a respectful relationship. When you are talking be sure to express your intent clearly, do not leave room for people to second guess you.

Don't accuse or try to appear better than others. (That is an aggressive characteristic). State how you feel and why and don't be afraid to ask why when someone makes demands on you. Straightforwardness is a crucial key to becoming assertive. While acquiring this skill, you will increase your level of self-esteem. Once you master the skill of assertion you will find your relationships in the workplace and personal life will greatly improve. You will feel more in control of your life and your surroundings.

Remember practice makes perfect!