FSS Spotlight: How Do You Handle Transition?

Do major life transitions like marriage, a milestone birthday, or a new job make you tremble? Or do you dive headfirst into transition waters?

"Some transitions are easier than others, and coping style can change each situation," says Julie Nise, a Friendswood, Texas based therapist who's studied Dr. Phil's approach. "By being aware of your reactions, you can empower yourself and make adaptive choices."

You may be facing some (or all) of the following transitions now or in the future. Check off your response to the scenarios below and match your answers to the analysis at the end to discover your transitional style-and what to do about it.

1. You love your job, but you've been offered an unexpected early retirement. You:
   
   A. Say, "The heck with my budget. Now I can finally take my dream vacation."
   B. Silently accept the change but wonder what you did wrong.
   C. Thoughtfully consider the package, review the options, and make a decision.
   D. Pretend you haven't received the offer and hope your boss doesn't mention it again.
    
2. You've got a birthday with a 0 in it. You:
   
   A. Plan on the next ten years being all you've wanted them to be.
   B. Believe getting older is bad. Become nostalgic for music of your youth and the way things used to be.
   C. Acknowledge that while you may not be as young as you used to be, you know a lot more than you once did and are in the right place to do what you
   want in this stage of your life.
   D. Sat the calendar's obviously been misprinted.
    
3. Your last child left for college in another state, and you have the house to yourself. You:
   
   A. Leave his room exactly as it was because you're sure he'll be back to
   visit often.
   B. Say, "Well, there goes my life."
   C. See this as an exciting time for both you and your child. He's off learning how to become an adult, and you can reconnect with your spouse and have all the time you want for your interests.
   D. Tell yourself you child isn't really gone. He's just off visiting college, and you wonder how long that might last.
    
4. Despite your best efforts, you know your marriage is failing. You:
   
   A. Head for Las Vegas. Quick divorce, instant freedom!
   B. Think it's all your fault and believe you'll have to slog through this somehow.
   C. Know it's not what you planned, but that you gave your best. You determine to figure out your contribution to the problem to avoid future mistakes.
   D. Put the videotape of the wedding in the VCR again. Tomorrow's a new day.
    

A. IDEALIST
You are able to embrace change easily, but unrealistic expectations may be motivating you. Minimizing the difficulties of transitions while overemphasizing the upside can prompt bad decisions. Everything will not turn out perfectly just because you'd like it to. Be more pragmatic, and you'll have better results.

B. DISTORTIONIST
You're willing to make changes, but your perception of transitions can sometimes be negatively colored. You tend to react to situations through the distorted lens of the past, which may or may not be appropriate or helpful. Instead, deal with the facts and assess each change on its own merit.

C. REALIST
When in transition, you really "get it." You understand the potentials and the pitfalls of the situation. Your accurate view of what's really going on enables you to take maximum advantage of opportunities. You tend to make transitions more easily than most because of your clear assessments and realistic expectations.

D. ESCAPIST
You're no fan of change. You tend to view transitions as threatening, and thus go into ostrich mode. Taking your time to think things through can often result better choices and easier transitions. Life is all about change-so stop seeking refuge in denial, get out from under the bleachers, and get back in the game.