FSS Newsletter :: January 2002

FSS Spotlight

A time comes in our life when we finally get it. When in the midst of all our fears and insanity, we stop dead in our tracks, and somewhere the voice inside our head cries out ~ ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying and struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, our sobs begin to subside, we shudder once or twice, we blink back our tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes we begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is our awakening. We realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. We come to terms with the fact that he/she is not Prince Charming or Cinderella, and we are not Cinderella or Prince Charming!

We awaken to the fact that we are not perfect, that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what we are, and that's okay. (They're entitled to their own views and opinions.) And we learn the importance of loving and championing ourselves; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval. We stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to us (or didn't do for us) and we learn that the only thing we can really count on is God (the supernatural power of the universe.)

We learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and sometimes they don't even know themselves.

We also learn that not everyone will always be there for us; and that it's not always about us. So, we learn to stand on our own, and to take care of ourselves, and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

We stop judging and pointing fingers and we begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

We realize that much of the way we view ourselves and the world around us, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into our psyche.

We begin to sift through all that we've been fed about how we should behave, how we should look, and how much we should weigh; what we should wear and where we should shop, and what we should drive; how and where we should live, and what we should do for a living; who we should sleep with, who we should marry, and what we should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what we owe our parents.

We learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And we begin reassessing and redefining who we are and what we really stand for.

We learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and we stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for our next fix.

We learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which we must build a life.

We learn that we don't know everything, it's not our job to save the world and that we can't teach a cat to sing.

We learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.

We learn that the only cross to bear is the one we choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then we learn about love; romantic love and the familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

We learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as we would have them be. We stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. We learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love, and we learn that we don't have the right to demand love on our terms just to make us happy.

We also learn that to build a long term relationship it takes two to people to work on it.
Love is the most important materials needed; forgiveness and acceptance are needed to cement the relationship.

If one person backs out, the other can't do it on his/her own.
And, we learn that alone does not mean lonely. And we look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that we will never be a perfect size, and we stop trying to compete with the image inside our head and agonizing over how we "stack up."

We also stop working so hard at putting our feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring our needs. We learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is our right to want things and to ask for the things that we want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

We come to the realization that we deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect; and we won't settle for less.

And, we allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes us to glorify us with his/her touch and in the process we internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And we learn that our body really is our temple, and we begin to care for it and treat it with respect. We begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, taking more time to exercise and stop smoking.

We learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.
So we take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul,and crying cleans our hurts. Suppressing our hurt makes us weak.

It's ok to cry; it's a form of releasing our hurt, after we feel the fullness of our hurt, we will grow strong again.

So we take more time to laugh and to play. We learn that for the most part, in life we get what we believe we deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, we learn that in order to achieve success we need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

We also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. We learn that the only thing we must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, fear itself.

We learn to step right into and through our fears because we know that whatever happens we can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on our terms.
And we learn to fight for our life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. We learn that life isn't always fair, we don't always get what we think we deserve; and that sometimes-bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, we learn not to personalize things.

We learn that God isn't punishing us or failing to answer our prayers.

We begin to take responsibility for our actions. And we learn to deal with evil in its most primal state ~ the ego.

We learn negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of us, and poison the universe that surrounds us.

We learn to admit when we are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

We learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, we begin to take responsibility for ourselves by ourselves; and we make ourselves a promise to never betray ourselves and to never settle for less than our heart's desire.

And we hang a wind chime outside our window so we can listen to the wind. And we make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in our heart and with Spirit by our side we take a stand; we take a deep breath, and we begin to design the life that we want to live as best as we can.

Help Wanted - Apply Within

I thought I would first wish everyone a Happy New Year and thank you for all your help and support over this last year.

Commitment and action, sound simple enough? What exactly does it mean? Have you ever wanted something, a new job, a new relationship, a new life? Dreaming is a great place to start, but where do you go from there? How do you make things happen?

First you have to believe in the possibility that this new way IS possible. See it as if it has already happened and is part of your life. Will it be easy to attain? Probably not. I have found from my own experience that anything I have ever wanted in life, took a commitment on my part and action. Action, is always the hardest, because you have to do something. You have to move yourself out of a comfort zone to a place that isn't very comfortable at all.

When I first started my web site, it was one page. One little page, but I was committed to expand the offerings to include more and slowly I did. Being self-funded, has it's limitations. To expand required planning and action in what I call "baby steps". Take each piece, one at a time and complete it. Move on to the next one. Soon you will have mastered many of the tasks you found so hard to do initially. Congratulate yourself on your movement. Be strong!

Don't listen to those who want to impede your progress. Do it for you!

So the next time you want to do something different in your life, take the plunge! Be bold, make a commitment, take action, keep doing something everyday to move your dream forward into reality. Anyone can do this, anywhere, anytime. Everything is possible; just ask me, I know!