FSS Newsletter :: March 2003

Career Corner :: (Humor) How to Read a Help Wanted Advertisement

ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION: You'll be making under $7 an hour.

ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY: You'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

IMMEDIATE OPENING: The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS: After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $25 co-pay.

SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:...who still live with
their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT: We have a lot of turnover.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

WHERE EMPLOYEES FEEL VALUED: Those who missed the last round of layoffs, that is.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired.

ASPIRATIONS FOR GROWTH WITHIN OUR COMPANY: We loooooove brown-nosers.