Defining Confidence

The confidence in a courageous act is not always what we expect.

Confidence, says Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, is “a state of mind or a manner marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty, diffidence, or embarrassment.” Yes, the confidence that anchors courage may be marked by easy coolness and freedom from uncertainty. But, it may also be marked by uneasy heat, great uncertainty, and tremendous shyness. The thing that remains constant, the fundamental force within confidence, is the drive deep inside to go forward regardless.

Again and again, I’ve heard people say, “I felt like I was crazy” or, “People thought I was nuts.” But, rather than run from that feeling, courageous people screw their confidence around an instinct, an inner voice, an indisputable feeling which they follow regardless of what those around them say, do, or think. They have the confidence to go against the grain, to be different. To stand out, to put themselves on the line. And in the process, to be embarrassed, to be wrong, or humiliated.

Another way we view confidence is “belief in the power, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.” Random House Webster’s College Dictionary goes a cut deeper, calling it the “belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities” without a display of arrogance or conceit (humility is common in courageous people).

Belief in oneself makes all things possible. Including the mastery of fear, which is integral to courage. “Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile,” says Betty Bender, “initially scared me to death.” Confidence is not fearlessness. Being afraid and acting anyway is the ultimate plunge of confidence.

“Feel the fear and do it anyway,” says Susan Jeffers, psychologist and best-selling author of a book of the same title. The very thing that scares us may be something we discover to be the very thing we love.

Confidence is being willing to make mistakes, to travel the unfamiliar, to not always know, to be wrong in the pursuit of what’s right. Confidence is knowing ourselves so well that we stand true to who we are even when it would be a whole lot easier to blend in and conform. Confidence is standing by our principles and values even when they’re unpopular. Confidence is believing in our power, our trustworthiness, our reliability.